Today I had to say goodbye to my best furry friend, my constant and fickle companion of 16 years, Linux. At just after 8:30 am the veterinarian put her to sleep. It broke my heart.
I came home from Texas Friday night and she came down to greet me like always, and she was not herself. Susie told me she hadn’t eaten or drank all week. I tried to get her to drink, and she wanted to, but she could not. We gave her some water by hand and she kept it down, but when we tried again later she brought it right back up. Her ears were yellow inside and so were her gums and mouth.
She just laid on the floor.
I stayed up with her until almost 3 am, and tried my best to comfort her. I had plans to taker her to the pet hospital at 7 am. I told her she had to make it through the night. She did, she was awake when I got up. She got right in her carrier without a simgle complaint and never meowed once the whole time.
The vet looked her over and came back to tell us that she couldn’t help Linux. I had to decide if I wanted her remains, or to have her cremated. Of course I chose cremation. I asked them to bring her back to the room and give us a minute. I had to say my goodbyes. That’s when I broke.
They gave her an IV and brought her back again, and I held her and stroked her fur as the vet gave her the medicine. I watched the yellow fluid go up the IV and I couldn’t watch anymore. I just looked into her little eyes and cried. It took about 10 seconds. This pain and guilt will take much longer to heal.
I miss her so much it hurts. I feel sick, my head aches, and all I can do is think about her. She was 16, and she a long, good life full of people who loved her. She was pampered and spoiled and slightly fat. When she got past the asshole stage of being a cat, she was so sweet. I’m really second-guessing the decision not to get her ashes. In the moment I couldn’t bear the thought of it, so I said no to the ashes. It’s too late now, so I have to live with that decision, but I don’t know if it was the right one.
I broke the terrible news to Mase around 12:30. He cried on the phone with me. His mom sent me a couple texts, and she said something that hadn’t occurred to me; Mason can’t remember a time in his life without Linux. He was only 3 when we got her as an 8 week old kitten. He’s coming to the house tomorrow, and I know we’re going to cry like hell as we reminisce, but maybe it will help.
Goodbye, Linux. I loved you the most.
