I’m not usually one to use derogatory terms for any group. Period. But this isn’t an ordinary situation.

So, Susie’s landlady rented out the apartment upstairs. She’s young, goth, pierced, and socially awkward. Great.

Last Thursday, during our nightly call, the new tenant started blasting music. And not for the first time. Susie asked me what to do, and I told her to knock on the neighbor’s door and ask her to turn the “music” down. Before she could do that the girl upstairs yelled down through the floor “Shut the fuck up!”. And then things just got weird.

I told Susie to knock on the neighbor’s door and ask her to turn the music down, but the crackpot never answered the door. Instead she started howling like a banshee (seriously) and chanting “Go the fuck away!”. I can’t make this stuff up.

So I told Susie to call the police and ask for a wellness check, which she did, and the officer that came ended up filing a disorderly conduct charge against the troublesome neighbor.

And then things go bonkers.

This chick pretends she’s not home, to which the cop responds by sending a citation for disorderly conduct by mail. Next, Susie spends Friday and Saturday at her parent’s house, only to realize that she has a huge new scratch (obviously caused by a key) on her car.

Susie calls her landlady and reports this shit, and then stays at her parent’s until Easter Sunday. The landlady doesn’t seem to care.

So now I spend Easter Sunday at her apartment, and wake up Monday to find several new, deep, terrible scratches (obviously from a key) in my ex-mother-in-law’s vehicle that I had to borrow after hitting a deer.

I knocked on goth-girl’s door Monday morning like an FBI agent, but she was far too afraid to answer the door. Now I have to tell Pam why her truck has extensive damage. Unfortunately Susie’s landlady won’t be helping to fix this problem.

Long story short, Susie’s landlady isn’t taking sides because she’s trying to sell the property, and won’t put security cameras in. So I told Susie to get the hell out of that apartment, and we’ll have to start looking for a place for the 4 of us.